hell yes lets make some ravioli
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
