Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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