And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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