i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
