4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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