around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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