He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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