weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Randomize
