Plan B is the new Plan A
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
this just has baby written all over it
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
