I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
