I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I am available for nakedness
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
