one two three fourrrrnication!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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