i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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