When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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