chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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