It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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