Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
