You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
