Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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