Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
