I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
