you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
