A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
