fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
