do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
