well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My underwear smells like fireworks.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize