Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
