you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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