Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
