South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
