Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
