Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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