I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
