How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
