theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
