I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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