She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
