You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
