We named our party play list daddy issues
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
