I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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