you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
