I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
