I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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