i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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