What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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