her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
