im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
