it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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