Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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