you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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