so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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