First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
