no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
