I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
