life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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