Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
