Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
