You made me cry and you don't even care
My first STD was from a foam party
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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