Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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