why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
