totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
