btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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