What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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