Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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