dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
When are your genitals available?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
