I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
