Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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