So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
