I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
